1. REDISCOVER YOUR AUTHENTIC NATURE
Think back to when you were an infant, toddler, or young child. Look at photos
where you were all smiles, alive, and in the moment. You were born with innocence, natural curiosity, and joy in the world. The original you was a fully present, adorable little being, in touch with all of her blissful feelings and naturally assertive and self-expressed.
When you were that sweet child running around, what did you enjoy? Was it the running around, or cooking on your Fisher-Price play stove? Maybe it was sitting still staring at a bumble bee. Were you a big talker or a chubby witness who sat on your potty throne and took it all in? Did you love to finger paint? Think back and remember that early time when you were free to play and explore the world. What were you like? This is a time before you were boxed in by your parents’ and society’s expectations, fears, and neuroses. Before you were ignored, shamed, or told you were bad. Before the limitations and fears set in.
Chances are, all those early traits are still with you, in their grown-up manifestations. And they are all utterly you and okay. In fact, they are charming, even captivating. But they may be entirely hidden.
Being real means you become grounded in knowing that you are beautifully okay just as you are. You regain your basic wisdom, which is grounded in the ability to know what you really want and need. You are free to feel your feelings and be in love with life, just as you were when you were first discovering the world.
Build on that early identity so that you open the beautiful facets of yourself like a well-cut diamond. Take chances. Be different. Have fun. Dance on a table, be silly, sing off-key. Don’t do anything self-destructive, but catch the impulse, follow it, and see what you say or do. Play and let.
2. PRACTICE BEING GRATEFUL
Gratitude is the recognition that we have gained something of value in our lives and not necessarily through our own efforts. Regularly practicing gratitude has been linked with creating happiness, contentment, pride, and hope. To be grateful is to look at your life regularly as a beneficiary of random and premeditated acts of kindness. In a Gallup survey, 90 percent of Americans reported that when they expressed gratitude or thankfulness it helped them feel either “extremely happy” or “happy.”
In the previous section, I asked you to reconnect with your authentic self, the innocent self of childhood. This process may arouse painful memories of abandonment, abuse, or betrayal. If you hit any new waves of painful memories, talk about them and work through the issues with your master Love Mentor coach, Team Love, or a therapist.
Ultimately, you want to let go and create more happiness for yourself by living in a state of gratitude. To live in this state, you must learn to look at the past very differently. The past no longer exists; only your stories about it exist. And there are always many different viewpoints one can have about any event. If you allow yourself to stay with the old negative stories in your head you are actually revictimizing yourself. You are creating pain for yourself right now.
In order to stop hurting yourself, begin reframing your past more positively starting with childhood and adolescence and then moving on to old love relationships. Remember successes and times you felt lovable and loved. Even relationships that had horribly negative aspects or ended badly had wonderful or
3. DO THE LIFE-CHANGING DIAMOND SELF EXERCISE
This is one of the most important exercises in this whole book! It has helped thousands of women all over the world become more self-loving, self-confident and naturally charismatic so that they were able to create love relationships beyond their wildest dreams! The Diamond Self work is based on research that shows there is no such thing as a fixed structure in the brain that represents the self! The “I” or personal identity you think is permanent is actually a process in your neural network that is always in flux. Noted author Dr. Joe Dispenza describes the process:
You are a work in progress. The organization of brain cells that makes up who you are is constantly in flux. Forget the notion that the brain is static, rigid, and fixed. Instead, brain cells are continually remolded and reorganized by our thoughts and experiences… nerve cells can be seen as dancing patterns of delicate electric fibers in an animated web, connecting and disconnecting all the time. This is much closer to the truth of who you are.
4. FACE YOUR FEAR:
Act in ways that your Diamond Self yearns to act. Be gorgeous, real, and flirtatious with both the hotties and not-so-hotties. Make a grand entrance as Foxy Locks Laurie, or Passionate Playful Beloved One if you feel like it. Dance yourself out even if no one else at the party is dancing. Feel with your intuition; get a gut sense of what interests you, what you need to say, or which action calls to you. And if fear is there like a demon blocking you, do it anyway. Fear lights the way to mastery.
In some situations, anxiety or fear is a helpful red light that is good to heed. After all, fear signals are hard-wired into our DNA as instincts. Looking both ways, avoiding dark alleyways, and protecting children in public spaces are just a few examples of our innate vigilance. But when fear stops us from meeting new men or trying for a dream job, it is best to see it as a green light showing us what we must jump into as soon as possible. And once we dive into these new waters, that fear turns into excitement because at their core, anxiety and excitement are one and the same sensation. It’s all in the interpretation. As Joseph Campbell wrote in The Power of Myth, “The Demon that you can swallow gives you its power.”
Obviously, we first have to ensure safety. But then the task is how to approach the fearful situation and conquer it, whether that involves leaving the house to go to a party alone, texting or calling a new guy on the phone, or going up and introducing yourself to a hottie. In order to do any of these activities, practice relaxation techniques such as deep or belly breathing. Simply put your attention on your in and out breaths, gradually slowing them down. Anchor your attention there and you will relax.